There may or may not be an ice storm coming. Usually, that would make me laugh and tell weather jokes. But, in the middle of clinical depression, it terrified me.
It rained all morning, and I watched the temperature drop on my trusty Apple Watch. As it dropped to 34 I got in my car and drove around to look for ice on the power lines. There was not, so I went back to work. Thoughts of "what happens if the electric goes out" tormented my mind.
An hour later, the temperature was hovering at 32. Once again, I went out to my car to drive around and see how the power lines looked. They were not icy yet.
When the temps dropped to 30, it was time to check again. Oh no, there was ice on the power lines! I called my boss and told him I had to go home. (This is a great time to say what a blessing it is to have a boss that supports you in every season of your life)
I went home in complete panic and turned on every light in the house. Then I tried to find things to do that would keep me from worrying about what would happen if the electricity went out. How do you think that went?
If you know me, you know that this isn't even close to who I am. But this is what clinical depression did to me. Along with the terrifying darkness and the suffocating fog was paranoia.
I laugh about this craziness now, but the fear was real and horrifying at that moment.
A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance. John 10:10 CSB
The fear was real and horrifying at that moment!
There is no doubt in my mind that my season of depression came from the enemy. Although I wanted to write for Jesus my entire life, I woke up mentally broken when I took steps to do that. He is vicious in his quest to keep us from the destination God ordained for us.
Friends, when you are living the life God intended you to, doing the things He called you to, Satan takes notice. He knows he can't stop you, so he works diligently to distract you. But unfortunately, his distractions are subtle enough to miss them easily.
I love the quote by C. S. Lewis, "On the back of Satan's neck is a nail-scarred footprint."
Are you overwhelmed? Does anxiety have a grip on you? Is the darkness of depression closing in on you, taking the very breath from your lungs? There is hope!
"On the back of Satan's neck is a nail-scarred footprint."
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world." John 16:33 CSB
Jesus got those scars on His hands and feet on His way to victory. When He died on that cross, the enemy squealed in fear because in that moment, he knew he had lost the war. So while there are many battles to come, Jesus wins for all of us. Friend, hang on to that victory. Whatever we face here, we have an eternity no longer separated from God, where there are no more tears and no more pain.